When we have lived long enough, we recognize the signs in people who are insecure about who they are, but don’t know how to handle it. All of us have been insecure about certain things at some point in our lives, but the sooner we recognize those things that scream we’re insecure, the better our lives will be, and certainly our relationships with others.
The Dictator Spirit of Insecurity
We know that most dictators are insecure and feel they have to “demand” respect because they know, otherwise, no one will respect them or their positions in life. What happens with this person or these persons is that every time they need to tell someone something, their tone becomes a demand rather than a request. In some environments, a demand may be more effective, but in most; especially in working with people, a request or suggestion is more effective than a demand. This is especially true when working with adults — who resent anyone demanding anything of them, but appreciate the consideration of a suggestion or request.
When leaders in anything sound like a dictator, they become ineffective and ignite resentment from all those around them. “The best leaders are not dictators, but facilitators — leading by example, not manipulation or coercion.” The facilitator seeks the best route to get anything done by asking questions and making suggestions, not “telling” people what to do.
The insecure dictator feels that rules don’t apply to them because they are superior and they can do anything they want to do. They circumvent authority and then get angry when they’re called on it. They attempt to undermine what others do, by thinking they know better and changing things to suit themselves, without permission or authority to do so.
The “I” Mentality of Insecurity
“I’m insecure” screams at others when the speaker only knows how to use the pronoun, “I” instead of we. Every time they open their mouths, the discussion begins with, “I” and they get agitated when no one pays attention to them.
Any time a person is involved with any activity or event that involves more than them, there should be a sense of “us” or “we” rather than I or me. As others have so aptly put it, “There is no I in team.” If we’re not promoting team effort, it becomes a matter of self-indulgence and narcissism, neither of which leads to constructive productivity in anything.
“See Me, Hear What I’ve Done” Insecurity
I was always taught that it is better for someone else to bring to the forefront another person’s accomplishments rather than to “toot your own horn.” But for the insecure person, they tell all they have ever done — over and over again, to anyone who will listen because they are fearful that if they don’t tell it, no one will ever know.
This person makes sure that everyone knows what they do — every time they do something that they think is praiseworthy. They make sure that every time a photo is taken — they’re in it; every time something is successful — they had a hand in it. but if things fall apart — they’re the first to make excuses about why it was the fault of others.
When they do something — their way is the only right way because no one else has enough sense or knowledge to do things right — at least that’s how they think. No matter what has to be done — they need to make it better. And usually their attempts to make it better, make it worse than it was. But they won’t see it that way.
Emotional Sensitivity of Insecurity
This is a biggie. When people are extremely sensitive — their emotions rule rather than logic. They jump from one side of an issue to another — depending on how emotional they become. They take sides with one person over another without having complete information and want to do battle when a war has not been waged. With these people, having a healthy relationship with them becomes problematic because people have to walk on eggshells around them for fear they’ll hurt their feelings.
What is amazing to me is when this type of insecurity makes a person feel that everything is about them — no matter what it is really about — they internalize a comment or a lack of one as being directed at them. They haven’t figured out that the world doesn’t evolve around them.
Heaven help us to steer clear of those people who did not get a degree from anywhere, but are quick to tell everyone they know as much as a person with a degree! This is not to say that people who don’t have a degree don’t know anything; many do know more than those with a degree, but we know this because of what they do, not what they say.
People with knowledge and ability do — those who think they have knowledge and abilities — talk, seldom doing anything and they think others should be impressed by what they say. Not only do insecure people think what they say should impress others; they actually think that what they say should be regarded as “gospel” without any need to question anything they say. In their minds, they are the authority of everything they discuss.
Unfortunately, for most of us — we have to deal with insecure people every day. What will make a difference for us — is to recognize the signs of insecurities in people so we can either avoid them or ignore them because we cannot change them; they are the only ones who can change their perception of themselves and the reality of how others see them. Until then, I guess we just have to deal with the dictators screaming loudly about how insecure they are around others.
While I recognize this subject is not a new one for many people, it is worthy of constant review and reflection as a reminder to those who may have missed the discussion — the first time around! When we understand the psychological aspects behind behavior, we are better prepared to handle situations when they arise.